HELPING A FRIEND IN DISTRESS
College life can be both exciting and stressful. It isn’t unusual for college students to feel overwhelmed at times by the stressors they’re experiencing. When friends come to you with problems or just seeking support, or if you become concerned about a friend because they seem down, are having difficulties with eating or sleeping or their classes, or just seem to be “not themselves,” it sometimes feels hard to know how to be most helpful. Here are some tips to help you be helpful to your friends:
1. Listen well. Listen carefully when the person is describing what it is like to be them and try to imagine being in their position. Let them know that you understand. Don’t try to talk the person out of their feelings; it can be very healing to have someone just listen and understand, even when the feelings are very painful.
2. Avoid giving advice. While you naturally want to help your friend, a listening ear is typically much more helpful to people in distress than suggestions about how to make the distress go away.
3. Avoid making judgments. When a friend confides in you, it’s usually most helpful for them to just feel understood, even if you disagree with what they are saying.
4. Recognize that emotional release is valuable. Allow a friend who is very upset or crying to continue to vent their feelings until they naturally feel ready to calm down. Supporting them through their emotional release will be much more helpful to them than trying to shut them down before they are ready.
5. Encourage the person to get additional help Naturally, you want to help the person get better. But there are often limits to what you can do. If you feel that your friend’s problem requires more support than you can provide, encourage them to seek additional help from a trusted faculty member, administrator, or from the Counseling Center. It is sometimes useful to emphasize that seeking help in no way indicates failure or weakness but, on the contrary, illustrates strength and a willingness to face problems.
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