SPEAKER: Welcome to the Towson University College of Fine Arts and Communications what's your story podcast. In today's story, we hear from Naoko Maeshiba, dancer, choreographer, and director in the Department of Theatre Arts. She tells us about a challenge she faced, and how overcoming that challenge taught her an important life lesson. 

NAOKO MAESHIBA: About nine years ago, I had a very disturbing thing happen to me and this was about my body. I work with my body as medium, so meaning that I use my body in everything I do. I mean, not just of course, everyday thing, but that's what I teach, and that's what I make as performing artist. 

But about nine years ago, one day I woke up and my shoulder has stopped functioning. And I still had of course, lined up performers, and teaching, and all of these projects, and I had to go through with this decapacitated body. And at the beginning, I was totally in denial, and it's just like some sore or something. 

And as the time went on, I realized that wow, this is really not something easily solvable. And I was in pain, it was painful. And I was depressed. I mean I felt depressed. Then, I was feeling like wow, this might not heal forever. I thought of surgery, I seek for any kind of solution to heal my shoulder, but it took two years. 

So during these two years, I was facing my fear, what if this shoulder doesn't heal? What's going to happen to my career, my identity, and my self-image, all of these things? Then I started realizing that it's actually much bigger than my shoulder. My shoulder is a phenomenon of what is happening inside of me. 

So I need to really look at what's happening inside of me. And that is when I realized that wow, I'm not satisfied. I don't feel very fulfilled. I have made lots of achievement. I received awards, all these things. But internally, I didn't feel full at all. And then this shoulder was teaching me that I need to look in. And this shoulder was the part of the body that was not circulating. So something about the circulation was not going well. I was not breathing. 

So I started looking at myself, lifestyle, every action I take, things I put in my body like food, breathing, all these things, and I was learning. I was on my way. And it was really painful, actually more painful than the physical pain, painful and challenging study. And just as first shoulder started healing, then my other shoulder started not functioning. 

So this time, I was a little bit more prepared, and I thought OK, there is some more learning that I have to do. I mean, there's a phrase, that pain is your friend, and it's really true, that I had to really spend intimate time with myself, my body, and see what is it that I really need to face. 

So this really, this really changed my life. It was really life-changing, and how I start seeing the outside world. And I started gradually seeing that the what is really important for me, is other people cannot live your life. You are the only person who lives your life. And if you are not with you, then who else is going to be there for you? So this was a very big lesson. And this is something that I'd like the young artists to take in, before they embark on their journey. And just never forget that unless you're with you, that nobody is with you. 

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