Goodbye 2020: coping with loneliness, COVID-19 fatigue and more
TU Counseling Center psychologists share tips for processing a difficult year, staying healthy through winter break
By Matt Palmer and Rebecca Kirkman on December 16, 2020
This year has been unlike any other. As winter break approaches, we spoke with TU Counseling Center psychologists G Wei Ng and Oluwatofunmi (Tofunmi) Oni about how to process 2020, tips for approaching the new year and coping with loneliness during the holidays.
“There’s no doubt coping with the holidays can be a lot to manage, especially in the middle of a global pandemic,” Ng says. “If you need support dealing with holiday stress, you can reach out to the Counseling Center.”
Follow the Counseling Center on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter for more holiday coping resources. “We’ve launched a Holiday Care Package series to provide strategies to manage stressors we face during the holiday period, including managing COVID and the New Year, loneliness, keeping connection with others, holiday regression, and more,” Oni adds.
The Counseling Center is available for same-day appointments and around-the-clock phone support, including during winter break. So, if you need to talk to someone, help is just a phone call away.
We see messages across social media about 2020 being a year to forget. What is your response to that perspective?
The feeling of being over 2020 is a common experience. This year has been one of the most eventful, unpredictable and challenging years in recent history. We understand the temptation to want to forget 2020, because it is normal for us humans to want to avoid things that bring up hard feelings.
But, honestly, how likely are we to forget 2020, as much as we might want to? The notion of forgetting 2020 is not only impractical—let’s face it: the pandemic, the racial uprisings, the grief and losses and the economic hardships will still be present in 2021—but it also minimizes our need to process what we have been through collectively and individually.
Really getting down and dirty with our difficult feelings is valuable. It allows us to understand our experiences and learn from them. It also opens space for us to reflect on the blessings, successes, things we learned about ourselves and others, joy of being alive in another year and the ways we overcame various hurdles that the year brought. At the end of the day, we can’t change the situations that we are in, but we can adjust how we think about them.
It’s been a stressful year on many fronts. How does isolation from friends and family increase the challenges we face and what are some strategies to overcome feelings of loneliness, especially around the holidays?
The holiday season is often associated with family, loved ones and celebration. But for far too many people, this may not be the case. In fact, this time of the year can amplify feelings of loneliness, isolation, lack and grief.
This year in particular, many people may feel lonely because they can’t spend the holidays with their family and loved ones due to the coronavirus pandemic. Communities vulnerable to the pandemic, which include communities of color, individuals with underlying health conditions and economically displaced individuals, may also be hard hit this holiday season. It’s also important to acknowledge that for individuals struggling with seasonal affective disorder, the darker winter days mean less opportunity for sunlight and more time spent indoors, which are risk factors for developing depressive symptoms.
Since we are all bound to have more solitude time this holiday, why not treat ourselves more gently? We encourage you to take special care of yourself by engaging in pleasurable activities that can lift your spirits. This will look differently for everyone: Some may find curling up with a good book and hot cocoa relaxing while others may enjoy a hike in nature. The trick is finding what works for you.
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The loss of ready access to peer support systems has compounded the difficulties college
students experience during this challenging year. Many have expressed feelings of
isolation, fears of growing distant with their friend groups and uncertainty about
how to engage and interact with their peers without being in physical proximity of
one another.
We want to remind students that while we are required to practice physical distancing, we do not have to socially disconnect from one another. It’s also important for students to feel like they can talk about their feelings and their current stressors with trusted others, because although it may not change the current reality, processing the feelings reduces the emotional burden one has to carry alone. Students may also consider reaching out to the Counseling Center to speak with a therapist if the support they receive from friends or family is not helpful or adequate.
With the new year around the corner, how do you recommend approaching the start of 2021?
As we navigate intentions and goals for the new year, we encourage you to first take time to reflect and celebrate what you have accomplished over the past year. You may find yourself pleasantly surprised by your resilience: “Things were rough, but I’m here.”
Start by letting go of the idea of beginning a new year with a clean slate. Growth is a lifelong process. We build on our experiences from the past, and, therefore, we do not need to start from a clean slate to work toward a goal.
As you look forward, ask yourself, “What would I hope for if the state of the world stayed the same? What would I look forward to if things changed? What would I like more of in my life? What would I like less of? How do I want to show up for myself?”
If this year has taught us anything, it is the importance of flexibility and openness to uncertainty. This applies to goal-setting as well. To provide space for uncertainty, be mindful of not being too rigid in the plans and goals that you set for yourself. For some—especially those who don’t always stick to resolutions—it may even be more important this year to have hopes rather than concrete plans. And remember, you don’t have to wait for a new year or a new anything to make any desired changes.
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To find more information about programs and support, visit the Counseling Center website.